One night 15 years ago I was making a wish to have my teeth beautiful and straight. I thought: Oh, it would be great to wake up in the morning, look at the mirror and see there a radiant smile with my straight teeth. Next morning I woke up and realized that my wish didn’t come true. It made me really sad. Later on my dad afforded to get dental braces for me and my sister. It was even more expensive than it is today. It was rare to wear braces in our small city at that time, so some people were saying that my dad doesn’t know how else to please daughters that’s why he decided to implant diamonds in our teeth 🙂 During the very first days of wearing braces I was so thankful to God for not fulfilling my dream – to straigten my teeth in one night. The pain was severe. I couldn’t eat much. Every bite of a fresh bread during the first days seemed like a stone. This week for some reason I got braces again. It hurts the same way. But I am glad it won’t take me that long as before to wear them.
It makes me think about many things in my “still 30” life right now. I trust God to do everything in my life in a perfect time, in a time that is by His will. But sometimes I have wishes like this wish of having straight teeth in the morning. Those wishes of having restored relationships with loved ones, being fluent in French, getting to the next stage on the relationship with a guy I like, getting a better position at work, being able to change the world and so on. But if we agreed to wear braces that means we agreed to have pain, feel uncomfortable, be vulnerable and wait for the result. It’s obvious when it’s about dental braces. But when it comes to invisible braces of our life it drives us crazy. We become so impatient. We don’t want to be vulnerable. We want things to be changed right here and right now.
Sometimes we get too blind and we want God to answer our prayers (=wishes) immediately and only in the way that we think is best. But when I look back on my life, I am grateful to Jesus Christ for keeping track on time in my life. I am grateful to Jesus Christ for not answering my prayers, that were my wishes without understanding, the wishes that could hurt me or kill me instead of being a good thing for me. (As I wear braces right now and feel lots of pain, I feel terrified of imagining the pain of straigtening the teeth in one night!). I am grateful to Jesus Christ for different seasons (with and without braces) in every area of my life. In my physical life of dealing with health issues, in my emotional journey with my family and friends, in my personal growing and in my spiritual walk with Him. Those different seasons bring me closer to Jesus Christ and teach me to take time to learn, to accept, to hope, to love and to wait on His timing that is always Best!
Expectations create illusions, and illusions cause hopelessness. Hopelessness takes off joy, and days without joy take off the last hope. We read articles and books, watch movies and look for stories in Instagram and Pinterest for beautiful life, perfect relationships and fantastic future with our loved ones. One day we start believing that this perfect world with perfect people exists in this broken Universe and the other day we become thinking that all that we have in our own life isn’t right, isn’t good enough. And then it’s too late, because at that exact moment we are done: we loose the last hope. Then we live grey days without hope, without joy, without love. We live grey days without gratefulness to God (and people around) for all that we have in this moment, in this current situation, in this particular place of living.
Nowadays it’s so easy to start to expect something from another person because of our imagination of life, our views on relationships. It’s so easy to get angry with a person because of those unrealistic expectations, mostly always unknown & unspoken to the other person. But it’s so hard in this comtemporary world to stop. To stop to expect. To stop to create illusions about how others should behave towards us and others. To stop messing up with our loved ones. It’s so hard to listen to a person. To recognise & accept different way of love and care. To wait in silence until our loved ones will change their minds and hearts towards us…
To hope again we need to start from the begining: to give up unrealistic expectations from people and life. Unrealistic expectations about our own life. To practise hope in small things during the day. It’s hard. But as my friend U. says: “Wait. Waiting could be good”. I wait even though I don’t know what for. I try to not transform my wishes into expectations how others should behave towards me. I try to hope even though I feel so hopeless about everything in my life right now. And I try to be grateful to God and people around for the things I already have. I wait and this is my small step to feel again Hope, “lots of hope” as my friend says.
photo: Kyiv, river Dnipro, June 2018
Life gets so crazy & busy sometimes, that we lose focus on our virtues and our desires. We keep doing things that world, society and local community want us to do. And later we think that it’s exactly what we want. But when we spend some time apart, alone in totally different part of the world, we start seeing again. Seeing life again. Seeing ourselves again. Seeing ourselves as human beings who still want something else, not exactly what others want from us. And then we need to reschedule our everyday life, to fit there some more personal time, some more hope. Hope for the future, hope for wellbeing, hope for reconecting with God and hope for new beginnings. And even though sometimes we feel desperate about possibilities to change anything at all, but still there is hope. And personally I find it helpful – to hope for something new & easier, even though it doesn’t involve relationship or clear future plans yet. There is Hope with a room for free choices and open space for new beginnings…
Kablar mountain, Serbia, June 2018